Life's Fireworks

I was sitting by a lake today, beautiful day, hot, sunny, the water sparkling with the sun dancing off the surface of the water, picture framed with pink English roses framing the lake. I stared out to the water, so serene, so relaxing, almost mesmerising. I could feel the warmth on my skin, the gentle breeze through my hair, the doves cooing in my ear from a near by willow tree lapping its branches into the water. I stretched out onto the lush grass and just gazed out, pondered then pained, laughed and then cried. After a couple of hours of lying there a fly caught in a very large spiders web caught my eye. Its strange since that spiders web had been in my direct line of sight all that time and yet I not once noticed it. It was obviously translucent and despite it being a foot long and only a meter away from me...I never noticed it, until now. Now I'm transfixed on it, disturbed by it and yet not moving from it. I can't make it leave my sight. Being not particularly fond of spiders might have something to do with it but it was more than that.

An immediate parallel to my life as I'm living it has sprung to mind. My walk as a Christian. It's never been so hard ad my biggest battle doesn't consist of hard times, extreme weather, loss of a loved one and nor could I conjure up any excuse. My biggest battle is ME. In confession, everything I know to do, I almost do or want to do. Everything I know not to feel, I almost always feel or want to feel (Romans 7:15-24)....and I NOW know why. I'm fixed on all the attractions life has to offer, all the FIREWORKS (metaphorically speaking), all the basking in what life has to offer both good and bad that I've forgotten where my life ACTUALLY ebbs from. I don't think I could be accused of not practising what I preach because...well I stopped preaching, stopped praising but never stopped yearning.

My sight has been so focused on the sparkliness (if that's a word) of the world and its allures and entertainment that I haven't seen the spiderweb before me, in my direct line of sight, ready and waiting to catch me. Only God can give me the sight I need to run this race, to point out the "spiderwebs" and those which I can't see "He makes straight the paths that crooked lie" (Isaiah 42:16). I NEED Him. Things have been hard, yes, but today, you know what?!....I have not, could not, will not stop fighting. I THIRST for what the Lord has for me. My life over the past few months has reminded me of that old saying "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink". My prayer is that God will make me drink, that He'll give me strength, that He'll cause me to know him deeply.

God IS love, and may I never forget it. Through Him we live and exist.

"I will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever and with my mouth will I make known
His faithfulness. " (Psalm 89:1)

Diary Entry: March 2011